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ONE OF THE MOST PERFECTLY CONSTRUCTED JOKES IN THE HISTORY OF COMEDY FIGHT ME

clarabooty:

and then satan said “let there be a skip limit and no back button on 8tracks”

loveanddelete:

I was going through the #askThicke tag on twitter and found this gem

loveanddelete:

I was going through the #askThicke tag on twitter and found this gem

officialunitedstates:

insenial:

officialunitedstates:

it’s quick, it’s easy and it’s free:  pouring river water in your socks

why would i do that lmao

it’s quick, it’s easy and it’s free

crystallisinq:

dark-shade:

marydoyouwannasmoke:

r-o-s-e-p-e-t-a-l-s:

this looks way to perfect on my blog
and its transparent

This is the most calming gif I have ever seen

THIS LOOKS SO SICK ON MY BLOG

omgg

crystallisinq:

dark-shade:

marydoyouwannasmoke:

r-o-s-e-p-e-t-a-l-s:

this looks way to perfect on my blog

and its transparent

This is the most calming gif I have ever seen

THIS LOOKS SO SICK ON MY BLOG

omgg

Anonymous said: you are an angel and the beauty you breathe into the world is much more precious than the air you take from it

Wow I’ve never read something as beautiful as that. Thank you anon.

awwww-cute:

My friend had her daughters at a zoo when she heard, “Ma’am, there’s a lemur on your baby

awwww-cute:

My friend had her daughters at a zoo when she heard, “Ma’am, there’s a lemur on your baby

HOW TO BE THE GIRL HE WANTS:

the first time someone tells you these words I hope you stick out your hand and catch the letters in the air I hope you crunch them in your fist I hope you shove them back into the mouth they flew out of I hope and pray you are not eight years old and hanging off of a shopping cart and groaning about how bored you are, I hope you were not young like I was the first time I read a magazine on a shelf underneath the candy I hope you weren’t young because I still thought everything I read had to be true - but better yet, I hope these words never find you.

They tell you to be strong but it’s the little things like this that sit on our hips and tangle in our hair and feel like bees when the night gets dark. It’s the little things we could never ever shake off because the minute we tried, we discovered there were more waiting for us.

HOW TO LOOK GOOD FOR SUMMER:

smile more often. I hope the first time someone calls you fat, you shimmy your shoulders and wink and feel like a goddess and take it as a compliment. I hope you are not the new kid in a fifth-grade class, glasses on your nose and your hair in tangles. I hope nobody ever touched your tummy and asked if you were embarrassed by the way it jiggles. I hope if you ever hear those words, you reach out your beautiful fingers and touch the temple of the person talking and ask, “Are you embarrassed your brain works like that?”

See, I have not gained weight since the eight grade and I’m twenty. I have had about four hundred people tell me I’m skinny but it’s only the two or three voices about the thickness of my thighs and the fat on my hips - these are the only voices that stick. Don’t give them that satisfaction. Take a bath. Stare at your reflection. Count the flecks beside your iris. Promise yourself you’re not going to ruin your life - you won’t let them win. Don’t let that moment cause ripples. Yank out the cruelty from your system.

HOW TO HAVE BETTER SEX:

stop faking it. Stop engineering your body to be a call-and-response of bruises and shots. I hope you are not fifteen the first time a boy kisses you hard. I hope you do not go home with a bloody mouth and spend the rest of your life thinking love is stained with iron. I hope you are not swallowing your sanity to be with somebody. I hope the first time you let someone touch you, they are someone worthy of your trust - I hope that nobody tries to force you into a label like “frigid” or “slut.”

In the animal world, most males have bright plumage so they can attract mates. In humans, we expect ladies to look a certain way. When you break out of the norm, suddenly you’re rattling chains. How dare you not want sex and still look this way. Maybe people are scared of admitting your body has power - it can turn heads in a baggy sweatshirt. Your body doesn’t need a magazine’s confirmation. Your body’s been through hell and still keeps on living. Put on your heels and stalk down the sidewalk. Take off your makeup. Do what you need to feel awesome.

HOW TO BE COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN:

ignore everything they tell you. Don’t let them in.

danedehaan:

When I’m around you, I kind of feel like I’m on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

feminishblog:

No, not all feminists are lesbians. But if we were, how would that make the fight any less valid? Is our purpose somehow solidified and scaled by how much we are personally invested in men? And if that is so, don’t you know see why we need feminism?